Growing in God's Grace

 

  I have only the list I began in February of last year to record here today, and the effects beginning this list again has had on me. My entry for Feb 16, 2011 that I begin with below should have been in my last post, but no matter, it is a list of thanks to God for the countless things I have to thank Him for and see His grace in, whatever the order. 

  The more I add to this list, the more I write it out, I find it unveiling and softening places in my soul that I did not know were veiled or hardened. My gaze has turned to Christ where I have not looked to Him, where I did not know I was blinded, by my own pride, by the cares of this life.

  It humbles me when I take the time to really look to see His goodness, AND thank Him for it.

  It shows me the severity of my condition, how depraved I am, taking all His grace, all His ways, all His wisdom, all His patience, all His mercy… for granted. I see that I not only neglect to thank Him, but more accurately, refuse to acknowledge His presence in every part of my life.

  Acknowledging God (giving glory to Him, looking to Him, turning to Him) is acknowledging His holiness and perfection, which in turn means acknowledging that I am all WRONG. (Romans 1:16-23) That my motives are selfish, that I pollute even the good things I receive from Him because I cannot produce any goodness from my own heart or hands, that I am stained and wracked with sin… that wherever His presence is, there MUST be purging, there WILL be cleansing… where I don’t see my sin, I will see it for what it is in light of Him. Where I am comfortable with my sin, I will be made uncomfortable. I know I WILL be changed wherever HE touches… and I avoid it. That is how hard this heart is. It takes HIS pursuit and initiative for me to even see my pride, and then to lay it down, enabling me to acknowledge Him, to surrender to Him in worship, in thanksgiving.

  This list is a constant reminder for me to give thanks to God. Giving thanks to God is seeing that He is indeed in every part of my life. This gratefulness makes me awake, it shakes me out of slumber, it shakes me out of oblivion, to alertness. It pulls me out of the grasp of discontentedness to search out the details of God’s fingerprints upon my life and I find joy in the fullness of Christ, in all things, in whatever circumstances- “For from Him, and to Him, and through Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.” (Romans 11:36)

  Recognizing God’s goodness and giving Him thanks breaks open my heart to receive His GRACE. I want to grow in God’s grace! I want this brokenness before Him every day. I want a thankful heart towards Him to grow in me. I want a thirsty heart quenched only by the joy I find in Christ when my heart is overflowing with thanks to Him!

  

  For whoever may be reading this today, it means more to me than I know how to say to share this with you. I have gone ahead and shared all the list I have from last year down to what I’ve added recently because I have been writing down many things I have been grateful for and I can’t seem to stop. I thought about making this post a “part one” and adding a “part two” for the more recent things added to my list, so this post wasn’t so long, but I just couldn’t shake the desire to keep all I have so far together in this post. Later, I will add more in another post.

  To any of my family reading, please read down into the “70/80’s” of my list, because I began thanking God for you in specific ways, and I want you to know how my thanks to God for you came pouring out! I love you tremendously… so tremendously, it hurts!

  Thank you for reading, I pray that God speaks to your heart through His Word and draws you to delight in Him by His Spirit, opening the eyes of your heart to see Him in all things. I don’t know if your day is full of sunshine or heavy under the weight of the cares of this life, full of joy, or full of pain, but I pray you know the steadfast love of Jesus Christ today and that you find refuge in the shadow of His wings (Lamentations 3:21-23; Psalm 91, Deuteronomy 32:9-12).

 Gratitude to God:

(February 16, 2011)

14. A train whistle in the distance in the early morning

15. Waking early to be with God

16. Partaking of God’s Word, His Life, His glory to begin my day

17. The work God does in my heart, enabling me to give thanks to Him for life, for His love gracing every part of it

18. The cleansing of a hot shower

19. Putting on perfume Kevin picked for me

20. Listening to the hushed obedience of my daughters as they try to move quietly from the bedroom to the bathroom and back in the mornings

21. Listening to quiet and stillness, knowing YOU are GOD.

22. Wearing a lovely charm necklace Michaela, my growing 6 year old girl, picked out for me

23. Listening to my children enjoy each other’s company

24. Listening to favorite music (Brooke Fraser) moving through our house on the breeze coming through the open windows, while the kids frolic outside, wind whipping through their hair, cheeks aglow, breathless

25. Seeing wonder and innocence in my children’s eyes

26. Hearing my husband tell me how much he loves me and what I mean to him

27. Screams and squeals, a million giggles, as Daddy tickles and bites four tummies

28. Silas’ 3 year old affection for Kevin and me

29. Brooklynn and Michaela singing with all their hearts, as loudly as they can, lost in their play and imagination

30. Silas quite pitiful while having a normal stomach ache, insisting that he wants and needs to go to the hospital

(March 15, 2011)

31. The weight and warmth of a quilt

32. Quiet morning with Bible and coffee

33. Sitting at the table listening to the kids tell me what they are busy drawing

34. Reading a book

35. Pictures drawn by my little quartet for me and Daddy, and for loved ones near and far

36. Silas strutting out of the bathroom, grin on his face, announcing his big boy use of the toilet

37. Kissing Michaela and Kevin good-bye in the mornings, telling them I’ll be praying for their day

38. Saying “I love you’s” to those I love in everyday life

39. Candles lit

40. Sweet iced tea on a warm day

41. Water fun in the backyard

42. The thrill of getting bathing suits and trunks out for the first time in the new year

43. Celebrating spring

44. Breathing in the loveliness of the jasmines in the backyard

45. Making plans for our home with Kevin

46. Skype-ing with loved ones

47. Getting a letter, writing a letter, exchanging heartfelt e-mails with close friends and new friends, opening my life to them, and them sharing their lives with me

48. Kevin’s way of making me laugh, whether he tries to or not. Like when he groans in the discomfort of aging and falls into the bed one night, saying “My LIFE hurts…!”

49. Silas bursting through the door to tell me, eyebrows raised, eyes big, “I see FAT cwowds!!” (clouds)

50. Regaining strength from God’s Word at the end of a long day

51. My heart being lifted out of my self-made gloom by the Spirit of God

52. God drawing my heart out of shadows into His light and truth

53. Truth shattering lies, Light dispelling darkness

54. Listening to God speak to me

55. Breathing in, receiving the gift of Life in Christ, through prayer and soaking in the Word of God

56. Putting hard days and weeks behind me, but holding on to what God is teaching me

57. Delighting in God’s law, because it is His wisdom imparted to me through Christ. Christ strengthens me to delight in and keep the law, that otherwise would bury me in my sin and despair. (Meditating on Psalm 19)

58. God opening my eyes to see obedience to His law as His Spirit’s humbling work in me, His perfect strength in my utter weakness, wisdom guiding my feet, directing my path

59. Cherishing truth, treasuring the Gospel of Jesus Christ, my Lord

June 16, 2011

60. Lilies in full bloom at the table’s center

61. Silas, scrappy, tanned, 3 year old boy, walking around shirtless, talking tough, yet the only one to burst into tears repeatedly all morning

62. Solomon, tanned little 2 year old, following and threatening his big brother in play, all in his diaper

63. Watching “The Parent Trap” with the kids

64. Kevin and I wanting to be healthy and doing things to be so!

65. Kids quiet on the couch together, Brooklynn and Solomon sucking on their fingers, Solomon stroking his cherished silky blanket

(June 9, 2012)

66. All 6 of us (Daddy, Mommy, babes) eating danish (Danish, danishes? Is there a plural??) for breakfast outside, on a cool, June morning

67. A few more breezy, cooler spring days before summer heat settles in

68. Watching blue jays in the backyard, from the shade of the patio

69. Listening to a peaceful neighborhood on a Saturday morning, the quiet interrupted only by birds chirping and cooing

70. The kids’ laughter

71. How excited Silas gets over water fun in the summer

72. Getting sprayed by the hose as I fill up bins with water for the kids in the backyard, the kids laughing at me, me laughing with them, then spraying them down sending them running and screaming with delight

73. So glad they still get excited over bins full of water (even though they dream of swimming in Nana and Papa’s pool every day)!

(June 19, 2012)

74. Deep fuchsia gladiolus blooms bursting from tall, elegant green stems, gracing our dining table

75. A two hour long conversation on the phone with my sister, sharing the deep things of our hearts, speaking into each other’s lives, building each other up in faith, in hope, in love, in Christ. My sisters… sharing their faith with me from a time when I was very young until now, encouraging me as I grew with them, always loving me tenderly and caring for me, letting me stay at their side when I was too afraid to go out on my own… my sisters… who have always been the dearest of my friends, my sisters by blood, my sisters in Christ.

76. Spiritual mothers and fathers shepherding mine and Kevin’s hearts, speaking encouragement and wisdom to us, when we need to hear it most

78. The presence of “mothers and fathers” in my life reminding me of my Mom and Dad continually, causing me to pray for them continually, thinking on all I need to share with them in letters or e-mails that I need to write to them as soon as possible!

79. Knowing how much I am like both my Mom and Dad, seeing them in me every day; thinking on the years they raised me and my sisters and understanding them more and more as I grow older, and loving them more and more as I grow

80. My mother’s faith and trust in God, in all the years of nurture, toil, teaching, building, protecting, sacrificing, homemaking, supporting, caring, holding, giving, breaking, watching, fervent praying, hopes, fears, sweat, and tears… God pursued mine and my sisters’ hearts through her love, through all the ways she shows her love. Words cannot convey how grateful I am for the faithful years she nurtured us at home. It is a gift I cherish daily, because I am now able to do the same for my children.

81. My hard-working Dad, his zeal, his passion, his authenticity- his heart, his abandon to God and loving Him unashamed; how God taught me transparency and compassion through his example

82. My mother and father-in-law’s gracious, loving, soothing, calming presence 

83. Talks with my mother-in-law that I can never take for granted, the depth in her, the way she has always shared her life, her heart, and her faith with me since I was first brought into her life, into her family

84. My father-in-law’s warm hugs and smile, watching him take in funny, loud moments with his grandchildren, tickled by their silliness; the way he listens, his sense of humor, the precision with which he communicates when he does speak after so much listening

85. Quality time with loved ones

86. Quality time with brand-new friends, the beginnings of new friendships

87. Learning hospitality from watching my mom open up her home to loved ones and strangers alike for years and years, learning from her cheerfulness and service (though I’m not sure I’ll ever live up to her impeccable example!!)

88. My hospitable husband who has taught me to open up my heart as well as my home

89. The way my husband lovingly draws out of me what I struggle to hide

90. My husband’s patient, gentle words of encouragement and hope, speaking life to me, relying on God’s grace to minister to me, restoring what is broken

91. My husband leading me and our family with confidence in Christ, with humility and transparency, with a desire to always be growing, to always be growing in the Gospel of grace, in the knowledge of Jesus

92. My husband’s contagious passion, his sharp mind, his ability to articulate what many find hard to or impossible to; his care for people, his willingness to love, serve, and pursue others when that is a delight and when it is hard; his desire for those he knows to know the Gospel and be set free, to know Christ and the life found only in Christ.

(June 20, 2012)

93. The pleasure of enjoying all the simple things in life

94. Preparing my home for small group

95. The girls’ summer break from school being a much more peaceful time than I ever expected

96. Realizing that I can and want to teach Michaela the basics of playing the piano (thanks, Michelle :) Where are those rainbow colored piano books that you had that I liked so much??); this happening so naturally and so much more easily than I ever imagined it could

97. Seeing Silas take eager interest in learning how to play a song on the piano at 4 years old, seeing that he really loves the feel of the keys, seeing Kevin in this boy as plain as the nose on my face

98. Watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with my kids, laughing together at Mr. Wonka’s clever lines and antics

99. My kids’ sense of humor, how they are all silly and weird like Kevin and I

100. Singing and playing my guitar, God’s beautiful gift of music; being part of a musical family