Gratitude

  It's a Saturday morning, I woke up just after 6, not able to sleep. So my family is asleep at home and here I sit in Starbucks, with my mocha. We don't have internet at home and the itch to write was itching me as I laid there in bed, trying to dream of sleeping in, only to realize I was squeezing my eyes shut, dreaming of writing some things I want to share with you this morning.

  I am so happy to be writing today. It has been awhile. I have had many moments I've been restless to write in these past couple of months, but I have not found words to process what is in my heart to say. Through conversations, e-mails, letters, journaling, in our weekly small group when we gather with some of our church family to share our lives, the work God is doing in us, opening the Word together, these are the places God has seen fit for me to "process" lately, and I love it. It has caused me to absorb, savor, think deeply on all God is speaking to me through his Word, and I am so grateful. It makes me think of Mary in Luke 2:19, "But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart." I want that quietness in my own heart.

  Yet, I am also so grateful for the times that I want to write and process this way, and I can, and I do!

  I have a friend who inspires me not only to write, because she is an incredibly gifted writer, but more specifically, to write down evidences of God's grace in my daily life. She was inspired by Ann Voskamp (author of One Thousand Gifts) to begin her own list of Gratitude to God.

  I came across my own list that I began in a journal last March. My listing fizzled out sometime in June of last year, but I am now so very glad that I began it. Reading over it when I found it recently has moved me to start afresh. I plan to record what I have so far from last year here, and pick up where I left off. It opens my eyes to see the Gospel alive and working and being applied to my heart and my life, and in the lives of those around me. I hope that as I write here, I can go further in my writing, listing not only my gratitude to God, but finding words to speak of the Gospel and how it is transforming me, how it can transform you, bearing fruit that will last, to the glory of God, in whatever circumstances. I pray that God allows me to do this. I ask Him for words to do this, for His glory.

  I have been prompted and encouraged by loved ones to write/record the goings-on of my little ones, while they are still little. I have been so grateful for this encouragement, it gives me a sense of urgency to gather up what I can before any more time passes. I've needed the creative outlet too, and this is perfect for that.

  So instead of squandering these precious moments as mere Facebook statuses :), I will treasure them here whenever possible. I've gathered some of the moments I've shared in Facebook, and I plan to keep them here too.

  "Why spend time writing all this out?" I've asked myself, and you may be wondering. It is my way of holding myself to something, making a commitment. Now that I've purposed to "store" these treasures here, it means that much more to me to write anything here at all, and for more than a creative outlet. This will be a place that I am being still to take time to articulate God's beauty in my world and my praise to Him for His presence gracing it in the big and small. So when I am not writing, I will be looking with eyes wide open for God's gifts of grace evident all around me, every day. Stepping back in gratitude to God, acknowledging Him in all things (Proverbs 3:5,6; Colossians 1:16,17).

  Being still, growing in the knowledge of Him.

  ...I want that quietness in my heart... I am asking God to cultivate it.




Gratitude to God for His gifts:


March 10, 2011


1. The smell and sound of the coffee pot brewing

2. Scribbled pictures everywhere, made by chubby toddler hands

3. Brooklynn adoring a new picture on the refridgerator

4. Solomon perched on the kitchen counter, happy, nothing else having worked to satisfy him

5. Solomon pointing out our loved ones pictures on the fridge

6. The kids getting blankets and towels out on the first hot day of the year and laying on them on the grass

7. Michaela singing to herself eating pretzels, curled up like a cat on her towel

8. Michaela still humming, under the towel now, rolling around lazily in the grass

9. Brooklynn busy passing out toys to her brothers as they lay in the sun

10. The boys laying under thermal winter blankets in the heat of the sun

11. Brooklynn shaking her pigtails about, loving how they fall about her shoulders

12. The warmth of the sunlight on my skin

13. Enjoying good health and beautiful weather after a winter of flus and chest colds, spending long days inside


Much more thanks to come...



 

 

Rainy Day thoughts

It's been a quiet Monday inside my home with my boys, a day that feels like rain may come.
I am heavy with thought, as I usually am on any cloudy day I can get here in usually sunny Bakersfield, CA. Perhaps that is why I have begun this blog on this very random Monday, I've been waiting for just the right melancholy moment...(smile)
I've analyzed and over-analyzed why on earth I want to start my own blog. I am surrounded by dear, beautiful women who have begun the blogging journey, writing so beautifully, sharing their deepest heart thoughts, their growth, pointing me to Christ, encouraging my soul, building up those who follow. I have received so much from how these women have shared their lives in this way, that with every new post I read, it stirs my own desire to put to words what is churning within me.
I have analyzed, been convicted of, repented of, my desire to just be heard. Blogging is humbling I find, because it is a place to write whether or not anyone is listening. In my journal, my writing is safe, because I can say I intended for no one to read it! I have learned from those whose blogs I follow that it takes guts to write like this, I see them as some of the bravest people I know.
So, write, I MUST. I don't know why, it is a strange outlet for me, because I usually don't know what I want to write in the first place. Which makes me feel like I am punishing anyone who is helplessly reading anything I write, like I am doing now... which is why I stick to journaling and now am wondering why I'm even doing this again. (sigh) For whoever may read this, bless your heart, you didn't know what you were in for...

The last four paragraphs are the perfect example of why I began this blog today. I am left alone with my thoughts too much. Even when I share with others, I withhold a black hole of thoughts gone wild, going in every direction, it is evidence of God's grace to me when I can interact with others with any self-control or communicate anything at all! I think too much... more specifically, I think about MYSELF too much. More specifically still, I think about my thoughts about myself too much. It's nauseating...ok, let's be honest, Danae, it's totally disgusting and repulsive really. Writing this blog will be for the times that I want to make it a point to shutup. Which is ironic, because I will "shutup" through writing... it'll make sense in the end, I suppose!
I want to stop. To look away from myself. To turn and repent of my pride. To repent of how inward I turn, how wayward my heart is...and ask the God who searches my heart and knows my thoughts (Psalm 139), the God I hunger and thirst for (Psalm 63:1), to lift up my head and turn my face, all my desires, all my affections, all of my inmost parts to behold Him.
I hate my self-absorption. In this moment, I hate it. But in a few moments I may love it again, and not even know it. Being absorbed in myself is my deepest sin, my greatest bondage. It is the drunken stupor I am lost to without knowing I am drunk.
I am convicted of it today. I am drawn out of it to clarity of mind through God's Word. I want to be still, to know my God...is God. In Hebrews, I read today, "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Hebrews 4:11&12) I pray Psalm 139, "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"
Today, I pray, God, make me still, open my heart to Your truth, and cause my heart to cling to You. Let me grow in the knowledge of You, Jesus, and not be lost to my own emptiness and fruitlessness today. Help me to see You, to know You more. Amen.